It’s that time of year again when the introspective among us take personal inventory and make the list of New Year’s resolutions that is destined to change our lives for the better once and for all. Never mind that for most of us this is a “been there, done that” moment of ad infinitum proportions.  Undaunted, we trot out the same old tried and true vows of self-improvement: “I will lose twenty pounds,” “I will get organized,” “I will get out of credit card debt.” And if those aren’t enough one can always take the resolution hatchet to one’s vices: “I vow to quit smoking, drinking, drugging, overeating, swearing, gambling, playing around, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Or “I promise I’ll stop yelling at the wife and kids,” “I’ll stop beating the mistress” and “I’ll try not to kick the dog.” (Or is it not ignore the kids, beat the wife, kick the mistress and yell at the dog?) Ooo-kay.

The current economic situation (though not good for much else) has added a few new twists to the resolution grab-bag. For the twenty/thirty-something crowd there’s: “I will finally move out of mom and dad’s.” Happen to be an educated, professional male between the ages of 45-55?: “I will find meaningful, gainful employment.” Or try “I’ll start saving (again) for retirement.” Yeah, right after you get yourself and your family some health insurance.

Let’s face it people: this is a tiresome, guilt-ridden lesson in futility. Although commendable, few if any of us ever follow through. Have you, or anyone you know, ever stuck to one of these damnable oaths? If you answered “yes” just remember that it is the exception that proves the rule. 

My point is: screw New Year’s resolutions. Who needs to carry all that guilt, year after year? Embrace the lazy, good-for nothing, cheatin’, screamin’, sometimes beatin’ son of a bitch that you are and let’s get on with doing the things we can actually control. Get yourself a beer- better yet, yell to the wife or kids to bring you one- sit back in your worn-out, frayed Barcalounger, put on some damn football and ring in the New Year the way it was supposed to be: passed out and totally at peace with the way things are. The road to self-improvement can be such a treadmill. ‘Nuff said.

Given that it’s Christmas week, The eGarage is closed. We’ll be back in the New Year with all new shows starting January 5th.

Oh, and do try to take it easy on those nearest you. Ultimately, love is the answer. Love yourself.  Love others. The world will spin a little easier. 

Happy New Year, everyone!
Tchau for now.
Peter out.

December 19, 2011 2:32pm